Napoleon famously said, “The word impossible is not in my dictionary.” His can-do spirit helped him make incredible achievements in history. In my dictionary, I want to delete the word “unacceptable” because I’ve discovered that acceptance is love in action, and it’s essential to developing our spiritual intelligence or Spiritual Quotient (SQ).
To be successful or live a good life, we need IQ, EQ, and SQ. Your SQ (Spiritual Quotient) is measured by your ability to love and accept people.
First, we must learn the difference between approval and acceptance. For example, my children may do things I disapprove of, but I must accept them because I love them. Approval is based on law, but acceptance is based on love. Approval is based on the head, but acceptance is based on the heart. That sounds simple enough but not easy to practice.
Jesus wants us to love even our enemies. Many people confuse loving our enemies with approving their actions. No, Jesus wants us to “accept” our enemies without “approving” their behaviors. Otherwise, we could end up demonizing people and justifying violence.
We all have encountered people doing things that we disapprove of. Sometimes, it’s just a minor issue, so we can easily forgive and forget about it, but there are times when people may go above and beyond our tolerance threshold, and we say, “It’s unacceptable.”
In such cases, we muddle the line between approval and acceptance because our strong emotion overrides our ability to see the person apart from their behavior. Jesus wants us to love the person despite their behavior. I know it’s a tall order.
Some people have a lower tolerance threshold than others. They are quick to stick a Scarlet Letter on someone they disapprove of.
Talking about the Scarlet Letter, I am sure most of you have read Nathaniel Hawthorne’s American Classic, “The Scarlet Letter,” or have watched one of the movie adaptations. The story reveals that everyone wears a Scarlet Letter—outwardly or inwardly, legally or secretly—even the holiest man in town has a secret Scarlet Letter beneath his clothes.
The story reveals human nature, keeps us humble, and warns us against hypocrisy. Understanding this human nature would allow us to separate approval from acceptance.
To effectively resolve human conflicts, we must first accept one another. But most people got it backward. They don’t accept others until they approve of their behaviors. Acceptance must be unconditional because that’s what “agape love” is about, the kind of love Jesus taught.
Jesus has shown us the ultimate acceptance on the cross by forgiving and seeing humans as redeemable. He expects us to love one another the way he loves us. That’s a huge challenge, but when you can widen the gap between approval and acceptance, you are on the way to spiritual maturity, as Jesus expected.
Based on this week’s scripture lesson, we will explore Jesus’ teaching on what’s lawful and loveful and how to read the Scarlet Letter A differently. Along the way, we will discover how to raise our SQ—Spiritual Quotient—to live a joyful, meaningful, and fruitful life. Let’s begin!
The scripture lesson for today is from the Gospel According to Mark 10:2-16. [Listen to the Word of the Lord!]
Some Pharisees came, and to test him they asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” 3 He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” 4 They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of dismissal and to divorce her.” 5 But Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote this commandment for you. 6 But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ 7 ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, 8 and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
10 Then in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. 11 He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; 12 and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”
13 People were bringing little children to him in order that he might touch them; and the disciples spoke sternly to them. 14 But when Jesus saw this, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the little children come to me; do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs. 15 Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it.” 16 And he took them up in his arms, laid his hands on them, and blessed them. (Mark 10:2-16).
[Blessed are those who delight in God’s Word! Thanks be to God.]
The Pharisees loved to argue about what was lawful, despite Jesus’ many attempts to remind them to consider what is loveful. They often asked the question, “Is it lawful …?” Is it lawful to eat on the Sabbath? Is it lawful to eat without washing your hands? (We just covered that recently.) Is it lawful to heal someone on Sabbath Day?
All they thought about was “lawful, lawful, lawful.” Their legalism created many outcasts and led to the failure of religion in the first century. Locking many poor, sick, and outcasts outside and away from the synagogue, the religious leaders justified their actions by asking what was lawful or not.
They spent time dissecting God’s law to slap Scarlet Letters on anyone they found guilty, without realizing the hidden Scarlet Letters written beneath their own garment.
Now, the primary intention of their question is to slap a scarlet letter on Jesus. In the Old Testament, religious infidelity is equivalent to spiritual adultery. If they could do that, they could justify crucifying Jesus.
Some Pharisees came, and to test him they asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” (Mk 10:2).
Mark revealed their intention. They asked this question to test him or, more precisely, to trap him. If Jesus said yes, they would accuse him of being a false teacher who ignored the Ten Commandments. If he said no, they would set him up against Herodius who divoved her husband to marry his ambitious brother King Herod. He could get into trouble by answering either way.
Jesus cousin, John the Baptist was recently imprisoned and then beheaded for criticizing Herodias for divorcing her husband and marrying King Herod. Jesus could face the same fate. It was a no win situation.
These Pharisees were rotten to the core. By accusing others, they swept their own Scarlet Letter under their garment. That’s why Jesus said, “Do not judge, or you will be judged.” Our judgment of others often reveals our own hidden guilt.
Knowing their intention to trap him and arrest him, Jesus refused to give them a straight answer. As often, he answered their question with a question.
He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of dismissal and to divorce her.” But Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote this commandment for you. (Mk 10:3-5).
Let’s put this in context. This passage is not really about divorce, as it appears, but it’s a subset of Jesus’ ongoing teaching on love and acceptance that he started in previous chapters (as we have covered them in previous weeks.)
Jesus told them that Moses permitted them to divorce not because he approved of their hardness of heart but because he accepted them. In other words, Moses’ permission is not equal to his approval, but because he loved them and let them have their way, hoping they would turn around when they hit rock bottom.
We see a similar situation in the story of the Prodigal Son. The father gave the son permission out of love but not out of approval, hoping that one day, he would return home with repentance, and he did.
Jesus said God intended for the couple to be loveful and become one. He said,
“So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Mk 10:8-9).
Jesus wanted the Pharisees to stop thinking about whether it was lawful to separate the couples against God’s will. Of course, we live in a fallen world, and God’s will is not always done here. That’s why Jesus taught us to pray, “Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” If God’s will is done here, heaven is already on earth.
In this fallen world, we deal with fallen people. There are unfortunate relationships, such as abusive relationships. That’s why we have laws to protect the weak from the strong. Sometimes, separation is necessary to prevent something worse from happening. Moses permitted divorce under such conditions. Their hardness of hearts kept them from accepting each other.
However, the Bible says the law does not solve problems. It just makes people sink deeper into sin. The more laws we have, the more cunning humans become. For example, nowadays, we have laws to prevent women from abuse. Does it solve the problem of spousal abuse?
If you visit mental institutions today, you will see more women than ever before. In the past, when a woman was abused, she had wounds and scars to prove it. Today, they have nothing to show because the abusers have become more cunning in circumventing the law and changing the mode of abuse from physical to emotional. It’s hard to prove emotional scars. Paul said,
“But law came in, with the result that the sin multiplied.” (Ro 5:20a).
The law makes sinners sneakier, and sin multiplies. The law does not change people’s hearts. My grandma often quoted this Chinese proverb, “When you lock your house, you lock the gentlemen out but not the thieves.” She meant that the thieves would always find another way of entering. It’s a wisdom of ages to be vigilant.
That’s how the law works. The law prevents good people from sinning, not crooks. The crook will always find another way around the law. Jesus’ interest is to change people’s hearts rather than just put bandage on human behaviors with more laws.
Then in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” (Mk 10:10-12).
Now, behind the scenes, Jesus taught his disciples the truth. He agreed with John the Baptist in criticizing Herodias for divorcing her husband to marry his brother. However, Jesus did not single out Herodias for adultery because, according to him, everyone wears a Scarlet Letter. He said,
“But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Mat 5:28).
Who can escape that definition of adultery? Picking on Herodias alone wouldn’t solve the universal problem. The difference between John the Baptist and Jesus is grace. John spoke the truth but lacked grace. (Or lacking magnanimity, as we discussed last week.)
John the Apostle said that from Jesus, we received “grace upon grace.” Unlike John the Baptist, Jesus did not go before Herodias and slapped a scarlet letter on her. For John, what’s right is right; what’s wrong is wrong. He was a straight shooter and warrior of truth. But Jesus prioritizes love and grace over law and punishment. Paul then says,
“but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more, so that, just as sin exercised dominion in death, so grace might also exercise dominion through justification leading to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” (Ro 5:20-21).
These verses are profound. John the Baptist tried to win people by truth, but Jesus tried to win people by grace. Truth hurts, but grace heals. Jesus has a bigger fish to fry than slapping Scarlet Letters on people because he knows people are already sick and tired of carrying their Scarlet Letters. Jesus turned the meaning of the scarlet letter “A” to “Acceptance.”
Assuming you can see everyone wearing the letter “A,” legally or secretly, and read it as “Acceptance,” you are closer to Christlikeness. How do you do that? The solution Jesus gives us is that we must become like a child. Children are gracious. They are humble. They easily ignore your faults and quickly forgive you. Jesus said,
Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it.” And he took them up in his arms, laid his hands on them, and blessed them. (Mk 10:15-16).
At this moment, the disciples tried to drive away the children, doing precisely the opposite of what Jesus was teaching. In the previous chapter, Jesus held a child to teach them acceptance. Other parents saw it and brought their children to Jesus to have them blessed, but the disciples began to drive them away as a nuisance.
Jesus was indignant when he saw the disciples driving the children away because it indicated they were not comprehending his teaching. That gave him another opportunity for an object lesson. He says, “Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it.”
Here, Jesus reveals the secret to entering the kingdom of God. What does it mean?
Children are more attuned to acceptance than approval. They don’t know much about the law but fully understand love. So, they don’t ask what’s lawful but observe what’s loveful. They use their heart more than their head, as their head is not yet fully developed. Their big heart is their advantage and our benchmark.
As I’ve mentioned, the distance between heaven and hell is only 16 inches away. That’s the distance between your head and your heart. Heaven is in your heart, and hell is in your head. It doesn’t mean we must ignore our heads, but it means our EQ is more valuable than IQ, and our SQ is more important than both. It’s about love, grace, and acceptance. It’s being magnanimous.
Children cannot make sense of the Scarlet Letter A, but they understand what acceptance means. For them, A is for Acceptance. According to Jesus, that’s the only way to enter the kingdom of heaven.
Maybe one day, we can all say a modified version of Napoleon’s statement, “The word unacceptable is not in my dictionary.” If we can delete the word “unacceptable” from our dictionary, we have entered the kingdom of God. Let’s do it together! Please repeat after me, “A is for Acceptance!” One more time, “A is for Acceptance!”
Until we meet again, keep your light shining brighter and broader, and harvest the fruit of profound freedom, meaning, and eternal joy and happiness.
Amen!
Bye now!
